Nyt on yö. Minä kuljen yksin tyhjiä katuja. En tiedä, mihin olen menossa, hyvä kun tiedän mistä olen tulossa, ja ruumiissani soi tuhat kaunista ja voimakasta sävelmää, minun koko menneisyyteni, ja silmissäni loistavat tuhannen ihmisen silmät, silmien takana tuntemattomuus, tätä naista ei tunne kukaan, se ei ole vielä täysin syntynytkään, ei kukaan tiedä mitä se on tulevaisuudessa.
- Mirka Lattunen
El a întins spre mine o frunză ca o mână cu degete. Eu am întins spre el o mână ca o frunză cu dinţi. El a întins spre mine o ramură ca un braţ. Eu am întins spre el braţul ca o ramură. El schi-a înclinat spre mine trunchiul ca un umăr. Eu mi-am înclinat spre el umărul ca un trunchi noduros. Auzeam cum se încetineşte sângele meu suind ca seva. Eu am trecut prin el. El a trecut prin mine. Eu am rămas un pom singur. El un om singur
- Nichita Stănescu
Kunst ist nicht ein Spiegel, den man der Wirklichkeit vorhält, sondern ein Hammer, mit dem man sie gestaltet.
- Karl Marx
The Hermit’s Song
A hiding tuft, a green-barked yew tree Is my roof, While nearby a great oak tree keeps me Tempest-proof.
I can pick my fruit from an apple Like an Inn, Or can fill my fist where hazels Shut me in.
A clear well beside me offers Best of drink, And there glows a bed of cresses Near its brink.
Pigs and Goats, the friendliest neighbours, Nestle near, Wild swine come, or broods of badgers, Grazing deer.
All the gentry of the county Come to call! And the foxes come behind them, Best of all.
To what meals the woods invite me All about! There are water, herbs and cresses, Salmon, trout.
A clutch of eggs, sweet mast and honey Are my meat, Heathberries and Whortleberries For a sweet.
All that one could ask for comfort Round me grows, There are hips and haws and strawberries, Nuts and sloes.
And when summer spreads its mantle What a sight! Marjoram and leeks and pignuts, Juicy, bright.
Dainty redbreasts briskly forage Every bush Round and round my hut there flutter Shallow, thrush.
Bees and beetles, music-makers, Croon and strum; Geese pass over, duck in autumn, Dark streams hum.
Angry wren, officious linnet And black-cap, All industrious, and the woodpecker’s Sturdy tap.
From the sea the gulls and herons Flutter in, While in upland heather rises The grey hen.
In the year’s most brilliant weather Heifers low Through green fields, not driven nor beaten, Tranquil, slow.
In wreathed boughs the wind is whispering, Skies are blue, Swans call, river water falling Is calling too.
On a slope above some stupid golf course, the hurricane Gudrun uprooted all the trees a few years ago. Today, the whole area is full of raspberries. Most of them are not quite ready to be picked yet ...
... but there are ripe ones here and there.
We went to check out the remains of the dead moose calf that died in 2005. This is what it looked like in April 2005, and this is what it looked like in August 2005.
The skull and a few scattered bones are all that remains.
Nice teeth. But they should be brushed!
Orust Witch Project:
There is a cliff nearby that the previous owner of our house claims was a "cult place" in the olden days. It's one of (if not the) highest points here. Close to it, we found these three stone rings. Probably from some fireplaces set up long ago, but you never know ...
(By the way, I never dared to finish watching the Blair Witch Project. I watched it alone here at mum's house once. As I made a break in the middle, I made the mistake of reading a spoiler on imdb.com of how it ended. And how I saw the ending in my imagination probably surpassed anything that the actual movie could achieve, because it actually really scared me. I had some interesting dreams based on my imaginations around the film for a while after that ...)
Here is an ancient apple tree at one of the former small farms here that have been abandoned since a century or so. When the herring industry on Orust died in the early 20th century, life became very hard here. Many people left or perished in hunger and poverty. There were no forests here back then (all the wood had been used for fires under the herring pots in the factories). The forests of today have grown back on the abandoned farmlands within 100 years.
Ancient fruit trees in weird places, stone foundations and stone fences still remind of how the landscape has changed since then.
Due to the mild winters lately, the ticks are thriving like crazy. For some reason they like mum much more than me. Maybe it compensates a bit that mosqitoes like me more than mum.
Henry is moving to Bonn soon, so this was the last day I babysat him. He will get to live in a nice house with a garden. As a cool Berlin boy, maybe he will impress the Bonn doggies?
Henry running down the stairs:
If you look closely you can see that Henry's right hind leg is less blurry. That's because he has a special technique where he only uses his left hind leg when running down the stairs ...
Henry in blossoming Mauerpark. He was very bored and wanted to continue our walk instead of just sitting around, so I got extremely lucky with this shot. In the background are toilets and other things in anticipation of Fête de la Musique.
The river Rhône flows from lake Geneva down through the town. The water is very green and clear. The jet of water that you can see in the background originally had a function in the water power plant to the right in the foreground. The power plant is no longer in use, but apparently the people of Geneva wanted to keep the jet, so it was moved out to the lake.
In the old town. Some mountains (in France) on the horizon.
The old town from afar.
And now ... doggies!
"I do not soil the pavements!"
Insane doggies prohibited in this park.
Puppy toilet paper!!!!!!!!!!!1
Paparazzi shot of a doggie by the river.
In the more touristy areas, I spotted some small, energetic doggies. But in all other parts of Geneva, the doggies were big, slow and sleepy. At the opening of the Mapping Festival, there was a girl who brought her doggie with her, and the poor little doggie kept falling asleep all over the place ...
Finally, some birdies in Lake Geneva.
(A lot of my time was spent at the Mapping Festival, but I didn't take any photos of all those happenings with my own camera, because there were lots of people documenting it already with better gear ... When/if the photos and films I did shoot with other people's cameras become available online, I might post a link. Meanwhile, here are Mapping photos by Ork. Yes, there is at least one with me in it.)
What is it about those way above 30 year old guys?
Part two of my disturbed coexistence with those old guys who think they should still get the attention of much younger girls. (Here is part one.)
Okay, firstly, a disclaimer: I am 26, and currently involved with a guy who is 35 years old. He neither looks nor acts his age, but there is a noticeable generation difference, which, however, hasn't been any problem so far. So, I don't mean all guys way beyond 30, but only one certain type - "the 30+ pervert with low self-esteem who tries to hit on me". (As opposed to the much nicer "30+ pervert with high self-esteem who tries to hit on me".)
Anyway, today I went to the drugstore. As I was standing next to the tea section, someone came walking along the shelves. I moved to the side so he could pass me by easily, but he passed me by closer than necessary. Then he turned around and said, "Don't dye your hair! It's much more beautiful naturally!" He was some German guy around 40. My roots are showing a bit, so he could see clearly that my hair was dyed. I smiled politely and said, "That's my business, okay?" I wasn't really interested in any old guys having opinions about the way I choose to look. He got angry and said, "My god, are you so much afraid of other people?! I guess that's why you dye your hair!!!" "Uh, I'm not afraid of people at all", I said, but he already ran away in disappointment.
Funny how this type of guys always wants to assume that I'm "afraid" of them. There was this other ~35 year old guy once who was trying to hit on me and press his body against me at a party, while at the same time totally denying it, pointing out that he had a girlfriend. When I wasn't interested in his company he insisted that I was "afraid" of him. Well, I wasn't the least bit afraid of him. He just annoyed me to hell, just like this guy today at the drugstore. And there is this 35+ year old guy who according to his level of drunkenness alternates between "the 30+ pervert with low self-esteem who tries to hit on me" (sober) and "the 30+ pervert with high self-esteem who tries to hit on me" (drunk). He's Russian, so he's nice and not really offensive in any way in both states, but he is constantly worried that he'll somehow scare me. Silly guys. Why should I be afraid of them?
Maybe I'm a bit racist, because I also didn't mind at all when this non-aryan, 50+ year old Middle Eastern construction worker commented "White like milk!!! White like milk!!!!!" at my skin last summer. Or maybe the difference really was that this construction worker guy chose to make a flattering, not criticizing, comment. Maybe I was a bit harsh to the drugstore guy, but if he really wanted to talk with me he could have said something neutral, or even something nice, instead of criticizing me and the choices I make. WTF.
So, anyway, why do I dye my hair?
I think it looks pretty bland in its natural colour, even if it's a somewhat nice slightly reddish dark blonde. People have different tastes, and my taste in female beauty involves hair in interesting colours (dyed or not), tattoos, piercings, strong eye makeup and more or less unconventional clothing. Bright red hair suits me the best - in my own, personal opinion, which I've reached after years of experimenting with different hair dyes. If blonde, brown, black, blue, green, pink, purple or any other colour would suit me better, I'd dye my hair in that colour, or leave it natural if I'd happen to have it naturally. It's not a matter of self-esteem (I have absolutely no problem leaving the house without makeup, for example), but just personal taste.
Last year I did this after New Year's, but this has been circulating now and I just filled it out, so I might just as well post it ... (If, against all possible expectations, something really revolutionizing really happens until New Year's I'll update it.)
1. Was 2007 a good year for you?
Yeah, it was all right.
2. What was your favourite moment of the year?
I have a few – SPX07 and hanging out with Horst, reading La Garage Hermetique one summer evening in Mauerpark, watching the meteor rain, eating sushi while watching Death Proof with Quentin, hanging out and eating SO MUCH GOOD FOOD with Ainur and mum when they came here to visit, and a week or so where I had really bizarrely good flow in drawing comics.
3. What was your least favourite moment of the year?
All the useless, stupid heartache moments that essentially came from me being a dominant bitch (where a substantial factor is how my domination attracts submissive/weak males, while I would actually prefer an at least equally dominant/strong male) …
4. What are your plans for 2008?
Continue my excellent way of life here. Maybe travel a bit and/or buy a new laptop, if I can gather the money. Get jobs from other German clients than avant-verlag, so I won't break the law.
5. What countries did you visit?
Sweden and Germany. So lame.
6. What date in 2007 will remain etched in your memory?
February 18th, the day my little Sergei had to die …
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Just generally being able to live like this. Oh, and also the potential publishing of a book by me at Epix, though I don't really dare to acknowledge that as definite yet ...
8. What was your biggest failure?
I only had some really small failures, it seems, like occasionally having difficulties working on my comics, not realising there were some STUPID typesetting errors in Olaf G before it went to print, or not kicking Quentin's ass when he was being a total idiot to me (though that might have been because his knee was already injured at the time), or losing this cute guy I met at a party once.
9. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
None at all, save for some slight stomach ache, maybe. I didn't even have a cold. I did get some weird pain in my right hip joint when I walked a lot in hot weather.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
My climbing harness was obviously quite good to have while I was still engaging in that activity. (But I'd need a new partner to pursue it further. Or maybe I'll just stick to bouldering by myself.) I also got a nice Sailor Jerry T-shirt on sale, and my new USB stick that I got yesterday will be extremely useful. Otherwise pretty much all I ever bought was groceries.
11. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My own, obviously. In some respect I just kept alternating between wishing I *could* feel something, and wishing I did NOT have any stupid feelings. I was (still, and again, and even more) terribly depressed in the first half of the year.
12. Where did most of your money go?
The rent, baby, as always.
13. What did you get really really really excited about?
Nothing, really. :o/ I haven't even been excited about my potentially coming book, because I refuse to believe it will actually happen ... I was a bit excited about climbing and dating with Quentin back when we still did that, but it didn't last so long and it was pretty awkward most of the time anyway, I guess.
14. What songs will always remind you of 2007?
PJ Harvey: We Float, Sophie B. Hawkins: Damn! I Wish I Was Your Lover (because it's the theme song for my comic Postman Blues that I drew this year :o)
15. Compared to this time last year are you:
a) Fatter or thinner?
I'm most definitely more muscular! And some perverts say I have a nice arse.
b) Happier or sadder?
A LOT happier!!!!!!!!
c) Richer or poorer?
Materially I'm poorer, because my average monthly earnings are lower than the student's loan I still got last year. But certainly I'm richer in experiences and other stupid spiritual things.
16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Drawn more comics. Read more books.
17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish I had been MUCH less preoccupied with Quentin. But I guess I did love him, then. Ho hum.
18. How will you be spending Christmas?
At mum's place, in the dark woods, with mum and surrogate brother Ilan. Baking Schneeballen and cooking peremec!
19. Which LJ/MySpace users did you meet for the first time?
Uh … none that I know of.
20. Did you fall in love in 2007?
21. How many one night stands?
Only ONE! Do: I could *definitely* have had TWO! (cf. #8) STUPID!!!! Though my "relationship" with Quentin could just as well be regarded as a series of sporadic one night stands.
22. What was your favourite TV show?
If it counts as a TV show, it was Jennifer Fox's Flying: Confessions of a Free Woman. Though I think that was the only thing on TV that I even watched.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Just like last year, I don't hate anyone.
24. What was the best book you read?
Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis, I think. It was somehow fresh and full of love and overcoming of bad things, without being silly or cheesy at all.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Red Hot Chili Peppers, after I found out what their lyrics were actually about (through reading Anthony's book). Also, three records by PJ Harvey that I hadn't listened to before.
26. What did you want and get?
To work with typesetting books.
27. What did you want and not get?
To be there with Sergei when he died. I didn't get any plane soon enough.
28. What was your favourite film this year?
29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
Weird formulation ... I was 25 turning 26. On my birthday I worked as usual, and ignored the fact that it was my birthday. I didn't tell Hannes, who back then still had his office here, and I most definitely didn't tell Quentin, who coincidentally made a weird and awkward surprise visit to Hannes' office to pick up some books from him and to his terror, I guess, stumbled upon me here in my home, even though he back then seemed to keep it a principle to never come here, probably because I had mentioned once that one of the bad things my ex did to me was that he never came to my place, and Q. probably assumed that copying my ex's bad behaviour would be a fun way to manipulate me into breaking up.
30. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Hmm, "satisfying" …? If Quentin would have been much less egocentric in bed back when we still had sex. I can count the orgasms I ever had with him on the fingers of one hand. Or maybe I was just spoiled by Mihai, who would do all kinds of things without even being asked. Also, the guy I had a one night stand with insisted on changing the position every time I was getting close to orgasm … :o( (He claimed that he couldn't keep it up otherwise, after drinking too much …)
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Same as usual, dashing as always. Buryat boots, short jackets, pants, short skirts. Black, red, purple, blue.
32. What kept you sane?
My imagination and my comics. And walking down a main street in Wedding and getting approving looks from random cute dark and hairy guys. Also, back when I was suicidal after Sergei's death, I decided that I wanted to die in the ocean (initially inspired by Ingrid Jonker), and that (a) made it a bit impractical to kill myself right there and then, and (b) gave me something to look forward to, so I cheered up a bit. Yay!
33. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
I kept having dozens of make out dreams about John Frusciante and sometimes Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. In one of them, Chad also tried to flirt with me, but never Flea. :o(
34. Which political issue stirred you the most?
That you need a fdbnkhtking PRESCRIPTION for the "day after pill" in Germany, and that abortion is in principle illegal, except in specific cases like rape or incest or medical danger. (But if you go through "pregnancy conflict counselling", where social workers, doctors or volunteering pro-life Catholics might attempt to brainwash you into having the baby, you can still get permission to have an abortion.)
35. Who did you miss?
Mitsu and Sergei …
36. Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
I guess I had some unnecessary conflict with my mum.
37. Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
Yes. But it feels better if I tell myself that I also had some responsibility in it, in the sense that I "let" them do it.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year?
Never expect men to be anything but weaklings, and they will never disappoint you. From that can be derived: EVERYTHING ELSE IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN STUPID ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year...
PJ Harvey: We Float
We wanted to find love We wanted success Until nothing was enough Until my middle name was excess And somehow I lost touch When you went out of sight When you got lost into the city Got lost into the night
I was in need of help Heading to black out 'Til someone told me run on in honey Before somebody blows your goddamn brains out You shop-lifted as a child I had a model's smile You carried all my hopes Until something broke inside
But now we float Take life as it comes
So will we die of shock? Die without a trial Die on Good Friday While holding each other tight This is kind of about you This is kind of about me We just kind of lost our way But we were looking to be free