In other words, I’m on the 23rd reserve to be admitted to the Journalistics program I’ve applied to.

But I’m actually not too sorry about that. The stupid Swedish teachers who interviewed me treated me like I was a complete idiot. (Quote: “I can hear that you have a very strong German accent – do you have problems with the Swedish language?” Well, I actually don’t have any German accent, not even when I’m nervous. I don’t speak completely pure Swedish, mostly thanks to my unability to roll the ‘r’, and my lack of interest in supplying myself with a fake Southern Swedish accent with a French ‘r’, but I don’t speak Swedish like the Swedish-speaking Germans I’ve heard.) They also seemed to think that it was a disadvantage for a journalist to know too many languages.

Well, I can’t imagine that it would be too nice to keep studying for teachers who have given me this kind of first impression. Even if they had to ask ‘difficult’ questions and put all applicants ‘to the test’, to be able to pick out the ‘best’ among us, that’s no reason to treat me like that ...

So, I will work. But in that field I’m a loser, too. All jobs that are available seem to either require a driver’s license, or someone who is ‘happy, positive, service-minded, talkative and extrovert’, even if it’s only about cleaning or something. Where have all the jobs gone where you don’t have to interact with stupid people all the time?

To make it worse, it seems like I’m surrounded by incredibly ‘competent’ people, who are making great careers, getting fabulous and fun jobs with ease, or have chosen educations that have provided them with speckless competence for all kinds of useful jobs that are readily available for them.

My own studies have been aiming at this journalistics program. Every class I took was meant for this. (While most people who found out how I’ve studied a lot of subjects for short periods of time always think that I did it because I had no aim, and wasn’t good enough to continue anything.)

But now that I applied for the program, I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE, and that’s probably another reason for why I did so badly in the application process.

I’m dead tired of studying, and when I imagine what it would be like to start the program next semester, I panic, because it feels so claustrophobic. I feel like there is no air for me to breathe.

I get the same feeling when I imagine what it would be like if I could only get a job wiping the asses of demented grannies. There has to be something else that I can do ...

I know a little about everything, but the only thing I know well is to draw. If I get a ‘neutral’ job for maybe 50%, I could try to get illustrating jobs the rest of the time.

And illustrating jobs are not to be found in the classifieds, but I’ll visit magazines and newspapers with my portfolio and beg for jobs in person.

That is what I want to do. That is what I know.

Fuck everyone who tells me to ‘get a good education’.

Fuck everyone who says I have to change myself so that I will become ‘happy, positive, service-minded, talkative and extrovert’.