Listening to Ryan Adams' song "Somehow Someday" makes me think of my ex-boyfriend sometimes. It's actually rather scary, since the song includes lines such as: "I wish that you and I had those kids, maybe bought us that home".
In such moments, it's good to dig up old web pages I've made (at the time not really with the intention of publishing them), and find strength again ...Fifteen reasons why it does me good to be single1. No zits.
1. I don't get zits on my cheeks, chest and shoulders from sleeping on his greasy chest.2. No washing off hair.
2. I don't have to spend several hours in the shower every morning trying to wash off all his hair.
3. I don't scrape up my chin on his bristles all the time.
4. I can see the opposite sex from a more objective point of view.
5. I don't think about sex 100% of the time (just 90% ...), and this enables me to concentrate on much more constructive and productive things.
6. I don't get urges to grab certain genitals in public quite as frequently.7. No making out in public (except perhaps
with camels). (Pic by Robyn Hills)
7. I don't find myself trying to explain to myself why it's okay now to make out in crowded places, even though just a few days ago, I considered it to be one of the most annoying things that existed if some couple kept exchanging saliva in public.8. No car accidents.
(Pic by John Lederman)
8. I don't risk causing traffic accidents quite as often, since I don't get those urges to grab genitals that frequently while sitting in a car, either.
9. I am relieved of all those senile and overprotective "former medical doctor" grandpas, who think I'm a Swedish prostitute who has no other goal in life but to give their grandsons all my horrid venereal diseases.
10. I don't hear the words "I", "don't", "understand" and "you" as frequently.
11. Only people I don't care about will make fun of my convictions.
12. I am free to concentrate on my own wishes and expectations of life, and don't have to make constant compromises to make them fit with his. (Compromises, such as "Okay, I'll bear the children, and you can take care of them all the time after that, since you like it so much, while I go straight back to drawing my comics again ...")
13. I don't spend enormous sums of money to travel to far-off continents to be able to spend time with him. 14. No STD tests.
14. I don't spend incredible amounts of money on STD tests to prove to his grandpa that I'm not a Swedish prostitute with no other goal in life but to give his grandson all my horrid venereal diseases.15. No marriage! Phew!!
15. I run a quite significantly lower risk of ending up married.
Still, I'm starting to believe again that even I could meet a person some day, with whom I could spend time and it would not become horrible and traumatic eventually, as it has always been so far in my life.
Besides, I don't quite agree with all the points above anymore.
At the very end, I managed to develop a technique of sleeping sufficiently close to my boyfriend to satisfy those urges, but without getting zits.
And being covered with your man's body hair when you wake up is actually a rather nice condition, now that I think about it ...
Furthermore, it can be very easy to wind up married, even with no 'romantic feelings' involved. 'Solidarity' with a friend of yours can be one reason.
It should be possible to avoid points 10 and 11, if you just choose your little friend carefully. The same goes for many other points in the list, like the grandpa problem.
The car accident problem could be somewhat easily avoided by choosing a boy who has no driver's licence ...
But what to do with the bristle problem? I like bristles, and I don't think a kiss is as good as it could be if my companion is freshly shaven. Hmm ... I met a nice Arab once, who had very soft hair in all places, including his chin. maybe I should get back to him ...?
(And no, I don't *like* Ryan Adams all that much. Some songs are okay, though, like "Firecracker" and "New York". The only reason why I've been listening to him lately is that I had an acquaintance once, who thought his music was the best thing in the world, and recommended it to me. A short while ago, I happened to come across two of his records in my local library, so I borrowed them ... That's all.)
Posted at 10:52 pm by turukhtan